Inquisitive.me

January is over, and by now, a lot of people who set out to make 2025 their year have already hit a wall or lost momentum. If that sounds like you, you might be thinking, I just don’t have enough willpower. But here’s the thing—motivation fails us because it’s meant to fail.

Motivation is like a spark. It flares up quickly—powerful and exciting. You feel unstoppable: hitting the gym three times a week, lose 20 kilograms, launching a side project, maybe even training for a marathon.

But then… life happens. You miss a day. Then two. Suddenly, that fire? Gone.

And that’s not a personal flaw—it’s how motivation works. It’s meant to burn out unless you feed it. And too often, we don’t.

The real issue? We’re focusing on the wrong thing.

We tend to set outcome-based goals:

• Work out three times a week
• Lose 20 kilograms
• Write a book

But vague outcomes without a clear plan are like entering a destination into your GPS… and never hitting “start.”

And when you rely solely on motivation or willpower, it’s only a matter of time before you stall. Because it isn’t a lack of motivation or discipline—it’s a flawed strategy.

Here’s what really happens when you focus too much on the result:

1. You ignore the process.
   It’s like deciding to drive to another city without checking a map. You know where you want to go—but you have no idea how to get there.
2. You set yourself up for all-or-nothing thinking.
   Slip-ups feel like total failure. On The Mel Robbins Podcast, Dr. K. explained it perfectly: When we aim to do something every single day and then miss one, we don’t give ourselves credit for all the days we did succeed. We just label the whole thing a failure.
   Ate well for 28 days, then overindulged at a birthday party? Suddenly, all 28 days “don’t count”, even though you stuck to your goal 99% of the time. That’s not just unfair—it’s demotivating.

So, how do we tackle these two problems?

1. Shift from Outcome to Identity.

It’s not your outcome that defines you—it’s your identity. Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?”, try asking, “Who do I want to become?”

Want to write a book? Don’t chase the title “author”—embrace the identity of a writer. A writer writes. Some days more, some days less. But they write.

Want to be healthier? Don’t obsess over the number on the scale. Start seeing yourself as someone who lives a healthy lifestyle—even if that includes the occasional burger.

Why does this matter?

Because identity is sticky. It sticks with you, even on the off days.

Skip a writing session? You’re still a writer.

Miss a workout? You’re still someone who trains.

To support this shift, tap into intrinsic motivation—the kind that comes from within—not just rewards or pressure from the outside.

Think about it. Remember when your mom told you to clean your room? Did you always do it? Probably not. But when the mess started bothering you, you got up and cleaned. That’s intrinsic motivation. You did it because you wanted to—not because someone else said you should.

That “someone else” can even be you.

Telling yourself you need to lose weight? That’s often extrinsic motivation—driven by expectations from friends, family, or society. But choosing to become a healthier person? That comes from within. It’s identity-based. It’s yours.

Your identity isn’t defined by one moment. It’s shaped by what you do most of the time.

2. Make a Clear, but Flexible Plan

Now that you’ve chosen who you want to be, it’s time to create a roadmap—the more detailed, the better.

The clearer your path, the less likely you are to get lost. And even if you do take a wrong turn, having a plan makes it much easier to find your way back.

It doesn’t have to be a perfect one but a realistic one.

I like to plan using three levels:

• Ideal Week – When everything goes right. I hit 4–5 workouts, sleep well, eat clean, and feel amazing.
• Normal Week – The week that actually happens most often: a couple of schedule shifts, maybe a missed workout or two.
• Bare Minimum Week – When everything goes sideways (unexpected work, travel, zero energy). What’s the least I’m still willing to do to show up for myself? For me, that’s never less than two workouts.

This helps me stay consistent without relying on motivation. And the best part? No matter how the week goes, I still win.

I apply the same framework to big goals, like running a half marathon:

• Ideal goal: Finish in 2 hours.
• Expected: 2 to 2.5 hours.
• Bare minimum: Cross the finish line.

Planning like this builds resilience. Because life will get messy. And when it does, you won’t be scrambling.

But expect setbacks and plan for them.

There’s a concept in Stoic philosophy called Premeditatio Malorum. It means: expect things to go wrong.

Not to be negative—but to be prepared.

Missed your workout? Overslept? Bad day at work? That’s okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect—it’s to keep going. With a plan, even setbacks become part of the process.

So now you know: it’s not just about motivation—it’s about identity, clarity, and consistency. But reading about it isn’t the same as living it.

Let’s put it into practice.

🧪 Let’s Experiment

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Identity over outcome.

Fulfilling your identity is much easier and more forgiving than constantly chasing outcomes. If you focus on perfection every single day, you’ll fail because no one is perfect—not even you.

So how do you start shifting your approach?

🎯 Try This:

1. Choose who you want to be, not just what you want to achieve.
2. Design a 3-tiered plan. For any habit or goal, create:
   • Your ideal plan (if everything goes smoothly),
   • Your realistic plan (for an average week), and
   • Your bare minimum plan (for when things go wrong).
3. Expect obstacles—and prepare for them.

🧠 Final Thought:

Outcomes are fragile. Identities are durable.
The more you live in alignment with who you want to be—even on your messiest days—the easier it becomes to keep showing up.

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Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.

Take care,

Carina 🦊