Being in pain sucks. I know that because Iâve been there. Every movement, every activity, even the things that usually bring joy â they all feel like a struggle. Work sucks. Going out with friends sucks. Watching your favorite TV show sucks. Walking, grocery shopping, laundry â all of it sucks. Every minute, every day.
When youâre in that state, your perspective narrows. You notice what doesnât work, what you canât do, where youâre limited. Your thinking becomes negative, and you attract negativity around you, which only reinforces the feeling of helplessness. You start to hate your body, frustration builds, and it can feel like being trapped in a dark cave with no way out.
I was lucky that I was too stubborn to accept that cave as my reality. That stubbornness, combined with support from people who cared, helped me find a way out. My parents gave me safety when I was at my lowest. Friends empowered me. I remember the first snow that year. I love snow. Sitting by the window, I realized I couldnât even enjoy it â I couldnât ski, play, or toboggan. It hit me like a club.
Then a friend called: âLetâs go on a ski tour.â I said I couldnât. âJust try a little,â he said. We didnât go far. I didnât push myself. But we managed a few turns in the powder â and that tiny success boosted my morale massively.
I shared this story with a recent patient, hoping to empower him. After three weeks of rehabilitation, he felt no better. Movements didnât help, pain remained, and he couldnât see a way forward. I sometimes use this analogy: âWhen you go skiing off-piste, do you focus on the trees or the gaps in between?â He was only focusing on the trees â he even said so himself. And I knew that was out of my expertise. I couldnât help him. He wasnât ready.
In hindsight, I could have approached him differently â with open questions that encourage reflection, such as:
- What movements feel good?
- How do you think you can achieve comfort in those movements?
- What would change if you relied less on pain medication?
- How would you approach a training session differently?
- What changes would be necessary to make life less painful?
- Do you have any activities or resources that empower you, make you feel good and comfortable, like drawing, walking, reading, or playing an instrument?
Instead of offering solutions, I could have guided him to think about his own path. Self-reflection is as important for the helper as it is for the one in pain. And sometimes, itâs okay to step back â if you canât help someone, encourage them to get help elsewhere. Protect yourself from negativity.
For those who see themselves in this post, hereâs a mirror for you: donât focus on what doesnât work. Look for what lifts you. Ask yourself:
- What movements feel good?
- What activities bring joy and energy?
- What gives me back control?
- How can I make it fun again?
Pain is limiting, but it doesnât have to define you. I know it can feel like the sun will never shine again, and that hearing âjust focus on the small thingsâ sounds easier said than done. But it actually works â if you take the time to notice them.
I remember a walk during my early recovery. I passed the same bench countless times before, but that day, I stopped, sat down, and simply enjoyed the view. I had never really noticed it before. In that moment, I realized how much beauty I had been missing. That simple pause made me smile and gave me a surprising amount of strength.
Start small. Celebrate tiny victories. Focus on what you can do. Thatâs where change begins.
đ§Ș Letâs Experiment
Even in pain, small choices can create big change.
You donât have to fix everything at once. Recovery and progress start when you notice whatâs possible, no matter how small. Every tiny step builds momentum and reminds you that you can influence your own life.
đŻ Try This:
- Pick one activity or movement that feels manageable and enjoyable â even just for a few minutes.
- Notice how it makes you feel. Energy? Joy? Relief? Write it down if it helps.
- Identify one small change that could make your day less painful or more empowering. It could be walking a little longer, doing a short stretch, or taking a moment to enjoy something simple.
- Repeat it daily, even for a few minutes. Focus on what you can do, not what you canât.
- Reflect afterward: what brought you the most joy or sense of control?
đ§ Final Thought:
Even a single moment of joy or movement can remind you that life isnât defined by pain â itâs defined by what you do next. The tiniest victories are the ones that start to shift your perspective. Focus on whatâs possible, and the rest will follow.
Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learningâyouâve got this.
Take care,
Carina đŠ