Inquisitive.me

In my twenties, I was often asked if I already had a partner or when I’d finally settle down. It was rarely out of genuine curiosity. More often, it felt like people were trying to fit me into a picture they had in mind for me — a picture I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be part of.

Nobody asked if I even wanted a relationship. Nobody asked if I felt ready for one.

Years later, I came across a stand-up special called Jigsaw by Scottish comedian Daniel Sloss. Despite his dark humor, or maybe because of it, one idea stuck with me — one that has stayed with me ever since.

Imagine life is a giant puzzle.

Each of us has our own, uniquely shaped puzzle. We don’t have the picture on the box, but the pieces are all there — experiences, memories, the lessons we pick up along the way. Slowly, piece by piece, we build the image that will become our life.

We usually start with the edges — the safe, stable parts. Family, friends, interests, work. They give the puzzle a frame, a foundation. But over time, even those change. We lose people. We outgrow hobbies. We change careers. And sometimes, we’re left staring at a missing piece, trying to figure out what still fits.

Then there’s the center. The part we assume should be reserved for a partner, a family, a picture-perfect version of life we’ve been taught to chase — ideally before thirty. Especially as a woman, the pressure to “have it all figured out” by a certain age can feel overwhelming. Because if you haven’t done it by then, society whispers that it might already be too late.

But who says that’s true?

We grow up watching love stories where people are only complete when they find “the one.” From Disney to Netflix, from social media to family dinners — we’re shown, again and again, that being single means being incomplete.

We’ve romanticized the idea of romance — and it’s cancerous. People are more in love with the idea of love than the person they are with.

Daniel Sloss

As a physio, I often work with people trying to reconnect with their bodies — with who they used to be or who they want to become. And I’ve seen how easy it is to disconnect from yourself when you’re constantly told you’re not enough as you are.

I’ve also seen people force themselves into relationships like mismatched puzzle pieces — just to feel whole. They compromise until there’s nothing left of who they once were. They endure toxic dynamics because being single feels scarier than being unhappy. Some even let someone else take over and rearrange their entire puzzle, hoping that this version might finally be “right.”

But here’s the truth: you cannot build someone else’s picture and expect to feel at home in it.

You can’t expect someone else to complete you if you don’t even know what your own picture is supposed to look like. How can we expect someone to love us fully when we haven’t learned to do that ourselves?

If you only love yourself at 20%, that means somebody can come along and love you 30%. You’re like, ‘Wow, that’s so much.’ It’s literally less than half.
Whereas if you love yourself 100%, that means a person that falls in love with you as to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special.

Daniel Sloss

What if the center of your puzzle isn’t supposed to be a relationship at all?

What if it’s meant to be your happiness, your peace, your sense of self?

For some, that includes a partner. And that’s beautiful.

But for others — myself included — it may not. Or not yet.

And that’s just as valid.

It’s your life. Your puzzle. Your image to build.

Not one that someone else chose for you. Not one you forced yourself into. Not one that social pressure glued together on your behalf.

The picture in the middle?

It should look like your version of joy.

Although this isn’t my main field of expertise — that’s more in the realm of my colleagues in psychotherapy — I still think it’s worth bringing up. This puzzle analogy helped me personally to stop stressing about “completing” my life or letting someone else rearrange it for me. And as a physio, I can’t ignore how much our mental state influences how we experience pain. Feeling stuck in a relationship or overwhelmed by societal pressure can raise stress levels, increase pain sensitivity, and make it harder to stay active or care for your body. So even if I don’t treat emotions directly, I do see the impact they have — and that’s why I think it’s important to talk about this, too.

🧪 Let’s Experiment

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Build your own puzzle first — and know what picture
you’re working toward before letting anyone else add pieces.

It’s easy to let societal expectations or other people’s needs define your life’s image — especially when you’re unsure of what your own puzzle looks like. But that can leave you chasing a version of life that doesn’t quite fit. Before we start forcing pieces in or handing over our puzzle to someone else, let’s take a step back and look at the pieces we already have.

🎯 Try This:

• Name your edges. What currently defines your life’s foundation — family, friends, work, passions?
• Visualize your center. What does your version of happiness look like, without anyone else shaping it?
• Check for forced pieces. Where have you compromised too much? What doesn’t truly fit?
• Be with yourself. Practice moments of solitude — even short ones — to reconnect with who you are.
• Mute the noise. Limit exposure to people or media that make you question your worth or path.

🧠 Final Thought:

Your life isn’t meant to match someone else’s box lid. The more time you spend figuring out what your puzzle looks like, the more confidently you’ll recognize when a piece truly belongs — and when it doesn’t.

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Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.

Take care,

Carina 🦊