Inquisitive.me

Do you want to lose weight — or do you think you should lose weight?

Do you want to get fit — or do you feel like you should get fit?

Do you want to save money — or do you believe you should be smarter with finances?

Do you want children — or do you feel like you should have them at a certain age?

Whenever the word “should” sneaks into our thoughts, it reveals something important:

It’s not coming from us.

“Should” is guilt disguised as motivation.

It’s social pressure dressed up as personal responsibility.

Most of our “shoulds” don’t originate within us. They come from everywhere else — family, friends, doctors, physios, culture, Instagram, society. You name it. And when something doesn’t start from the inside, it rarely lasts.

Think about the classic line I hear from patients all the time:

“I should lose some weight.”

Maybe that’s true. If someone is overweight, yes — health risks increase: diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, inflammation, pulmonary issues, maybe even a higher cancer risk.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth:

If you feel okay in your body and the desire doesn’t come from YOU, the journey will fail.

Because “should” is not a decision.

It’s not ownership.

It’s an external expectation we’re trying to force on ourselves.

When we don’t truly want something, our brain quietly sabotages every attempt. Not because we’re lazy, but because we’re not aligned with the goal.

But wanting alone won’t magically solve your problem — it’s the entry point.

The real shift happens when you go from wanting something to identifying as the kind of person who does it.

I don’t say, “I’m someone who runs.”

A person who runs once a month is also someone who runs.

Instead, I say:

“I am a runner.”

A runner runs. Consistently.

Not perfectly — but regularly.

Identity shapes behavior far more than motivation ever can.

• A reader reads.
• A saver saves.
• A learner learns.
• A lifter lifts.
• A runner runs.

When you act from identity, actions feel natural — not forced.

But how do you shift from should to want to identity?

Ask yourself three main questions:

1. Do I want this or do I think I should want it?
   If the answer is “should” – whose voice is that?
2. If I truly want it, why?
   What part of your life, health, or future does this touch?
3. Who is the version of me that already has this?
   What do they do consistently? How do they think? How do they talk about themselves?

Then start behaving like that person — even in small ways.

🧪 Let’s Experiment

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“Should” comes from pressure.
“Want” comes from desire.
Identity creates lasting change.

Before you commit to your next big goal, pause and ask yourself where it’s truly coming from (the three questions above might help) — and who you want to become along the way.

🎯 Try This:

1. Write down one thing you think you “should” do.
   (Lose weight, save money, get fit, read more…)
2. Rewrite the sentence starting with “I want…”
   If it feels wrong or forced, that goal isn’t yours — and that’s okay.
3. Now write the identity behind the goal.
   For example:
   • “I want to run” → “I am a runner”
   • “I want to save money” → “I am someone who handles money wisely”
4. Define one tiny action your new identity would do today.
   Runners run.
   Readers read.
   Lifters lift.

Small actions, repeated often, turn desire into identity.

🧠 Final Thought:

You don’t change your life by doing what you think you should. You change your life when your actions reflect who you believe you are becoming. Identity builds from tiny repeated actions, not from massive motivation.

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Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.

Take care,

Carina 🦊