Inquisitive.me

You can’t save everyone — that’s one of the first tough lessons you learn as a physio. I’ve written before about the give-and-take dynamic and how our natural urge to help can backfire, sending us straight into burnout if we’re not careful.

Adam Grant’s Give and Take describes two types of givers:

• Selfless givers pour themselves into others without protecting their own well-being. Noble, yes — but often a fast track to exhaustion.
• Otherish givers still give generously, but they balance it with boundaries. They protect their energy and help others without losing themselves in the process.

I experienced both extremes in just two days.

With one patient, I fell into the selfless giver trap. I spent hours trying to shift his mindset and get him to take ownership of his recovery. I welcome questions, curiosity, even healthy skepticism — but when someone dismisses science as “just your opinion,” my patience wears thin.

Sure, science evolves, and yes, some studies are biased. But the job of a good clinician is to separate strong, trustworthy evidence from the noise. Systematic reviews and meta-analyses aren’t flawless, but they’re far more reliable than cherry-picked anecdotes or marketing hype. If high-quality evidence consistently shows a technique doesn’t work for most people, then it’s simply not worth clinging to — much like you wouldn’t take a medication that only helps 50% of people but comes with risky side effects.

This patient didn’t truly want guidance. He spent more time trying to discredit my approach than engaging in actual training. Each session left me frustrated, drained, and no closer to helping him. In truth, he was a hypochondriac — eager to “fix” a problem that wasn’t really there.

The next day, I worked with a patient who was the definition of an otherish giver scenario. She had a real problem, genuine motivation, and welcomed the tools I offered. The session still took a lot out of me, but her gratitude gave me something back. I left tired but uplifted.

Both patients drained my energy — but only one left me feeling it was worth it.

The lesson? Recognize who’s ready to change and who’s just here to challenge. I’ve already shared how to spot the difference, but avoiding the selfless giver trap comes down to this:

Set boundaries. Give sustainably. Know when to step back. Protect your own energy so you’re not pouring from an empty cup — because once you burn out, you can’t help anyone.

So how do you protect your energy without coming across as cold or dismissive?

Sometimes, it’s not about what you say, but when you decide the conversation isn’t worth having in the first place.

And that’s where I stumbled across a brilliant approach from Dr. Mike.

🧪 Let’s Experiment

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Set boundaries early — and without turning the conversation into a battlefield.

Dr. Mikhail “Mike” Varshavski, D.O., is a health influencer who makes medicine relatable, even for people outside the field. Instead of preaching, he creates space for understanding. In a recent debate with anti-vaxxers, one especially resistant guest gave him the perfect chance to show how boundaries can be firm and respectful.

🎯 Try This:

When the discussion feels like it’s going nowhere, pause and ask:

“Is there anything I could say today that would change your mind?”

Then, if the answer is “no,” you can respond with something like:

“I would like to give you my knowledge, my experience, and what I’ve seen in the hospital system. But if you’re telling me right now, no matter what I say, you’re not gonna change my mind, is there any value to that?”

This shifts the focus from winning the argument to assessing if the conversation is worth having at all.

🧠 Final Thought:

I wish I’d had this tool before that difficult patient — it could’ve saved me a lot of energy and frustration. Maybe it’ll do the same for you next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

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Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.

Take care,

Carina 🦊