Inquisitive.me

Regret is unique among negative emotions because it requires two things at the same time: a mental comparison to a life that never happened and the recognition that our own actions—or inactions—caused the outcome.

In short: you compare yourself to a future-you that doesn’t exist and then blame your present-you for not doing better.

Without this combination—imagining what could have been and accepting personal responsibility—the emotion turns into something else, like disappointment or frustration, but it isn’t regret, according to Daniel Pink’s The Power of Regret.

Usually, regret is retrospective. It shows up after we did—or didn’t do—something. But a survey conducted by the Duke University Libraries shows that we can also anticipate regret.

The library wanted feedback from its community and asked students to complete a questionnaire. Hardly anyone did. So they redesigned the setup.

They split roughly six thousand undergraduates into two groups.

• Group 1 would receive a $75 gift card if they completed the questionnaire and entered a raffle.
• Group 2 was entered into the raffle by default—but anyone who failed to complete the questionnaire would be excluded from the chance to win the gift card.

The result was striking: about one third of Group 1 completed the survey, while two thirds of Group 2 did.

Why? Because Group 1 had little emotional investment. If you did nothing, you got nothing. If you did something, you might get something. Not exactly compelling.

Group 2, however, could imagine a future where they won—and then lost that opportunity simply because they hadn’t done the bare minimum. That loss, even though hypothetical, felt like regret. They had mentally “owned” the reward already—and giving it up stung.

Reading this made me wonder how anticipated regret might be used in practice—specifically in my work as a physiotherapist.

Not as manipulation. Not as pressure.

But as a gentle nudge.

Here are a few ways this can work in real life:

1. Make the desired future the default 🧭

Instead of framing exercises as something patients might gain, frame progress as something they’re already on track for.

For example:
“You’re currently on a path toward being pain-free enough to hike again.”

Then add the condition:
“The main thing that could slow this down is not doing the exercises regularly.”

Success is assumed. Loss comes from inaction. Just like in the Duke study.

2. Invite patients to imagine future regret—briefly and safely 🔮

This isn’t about fear. It’s about clarity.

You can ask questions like:
“Imagine it’s six months from now and nothing has changed. What do you think you’d wish you had done differently?”

You can also flip the script using a technique from psychotherapy called the Wonder Question:
“Imagine your problem was solved overnight. What would you do tomorrow morning?”

Both approaches gently contrast futures—without dwelling on worst-case scenarios.

3. Frame exercises as protecting, not improving 🛡️

Anticipated regret is stronger when it’s about losing something, not gaining something.

Instead of saying:
“This will make you stronger.”

Try:
“Skipping this is one of the main reasons people don’t regain full function.”

People don’t fear effort. They fear avoidable loss.

4. Tie regret to values, not compliance ❤️

People aren’t dogs. They don’t need commands—they already know what they should do.

James Clear writes in Atomic Habits that lasting change comes from identity, not outcomes. The same applies here.

You might say:

“You told me being active with your kids matters to you.”

“Not doing these exercises doesn’t just affect your knee—it affects your identity as a runner.”

Now regret isn’t about obedience. It’s about values.

5. Keep it light and reversible 🪶

Anticipated regret works best when:

• the cost of action is low
• the mistake feels avoidable
• the tone stays compassionate

The message is simple: “I don’t want future-you to feel disappointed about something present-you could handle.”

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Anticipated regret can be a powerful motivator when people feel ownership over a positive future—and realize they could lose it through inaction. Used gently, it doesn’t push people forward through fear, but pulls them forward through care for their future selves.

🧪 Let’s Experiment

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Use anticipated regret as a gentle nudge—
not to scare yourself into action, but to care for your future self.

You don’t need a big life decision to try this. A small, low-stakes experiment is enough.

🎯 Try This:

Pick one habit you’ve been postponing—health-related or not.

Ask yourself: “If nothing changes, what will future-me quietly regret not doing?”

You can even use a version of the examples above on yourself, whether you’re a patient or not.

Then do the smallest possible action today—five minutes is enough.

🧠 Final Thought:

Regret doesn’t have to point backward. Used well, it becomes a compass for what matters next.

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Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.

Take care,

Carina 🦊