It’s a never-ending fight.
Someone walks into my practice and, almost miraculously, expects me to change everything.
They’re in pain.
They struggle to exercise regularly.
They’re overweight.
They’re dealing with mental health issues.
You name it.
And it’s not just me.
It’s what doctors struggle with every day.
It’s what nurses struggle with every day.
It’s what my physio colleagues struggle with every day.
It’s what healthcare professionals, in general, struggle with every day.
We’re asked to do the impossible.
Why do I think that? This quote from Matthew Hussey on the Mel Robbins Podcast puts it into perspective:
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand how foolish it is to think you can change someone else.
It’s simple.
And yet, it hits differently every time I hear it.
I’ve spent a lot of time — maybe too much — wondering why people don’t behave the way I expect them to. Friends. Family members. Colleagues. Especially patients.
I’ve tried reasoning, explaining, nudging, hoping they’d see the right way.
And more often than not, I ended up frustrated.
I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Was I incompetent?
Am I a bad physio?
Am I an imposter? (We’ll talk about that in March — stay with me.)
Then it clicked.
I want them to change more than they want it themselves.
That realization hurts. But it’s often true.
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.
They might say they do — but how many times have you told yourself you’d be more punctual, start meditating, or finally keep your apartment tidy?
I know I have. Plenty of times.
I still struggle to be on time.
I still don’t meditate regularly — even though I know I need it and even though it feels good afterward.
And yes, my apartment could be tidier.
Why am I not doing it?
Because even though I say I want to change, it’s not a priority.
And that’s the uncomfortable truth.
As long as eating healthier, exercising more, smoking less, or doing mobility work isn’t someone’s priority, you can’t change them.
Change starts with us.
And unless someone changes their mindset, nothing else will follow.
If nothing changes, nothing is going to change.
James Clear
Or, as Mel Robbins puts it: Let them.
She says in one of her podcasts:
People do well when they can. And if somebody is not doing well by you, it means they’re not able to. They’re either lacking some kind of skill, or they’re lacking some kind of experience, or they’re lacking the capacity to do well.
Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory is a mindset for finding peace.
It’s about accepting that you can’t control others, focusing instead on your own responses, and redirecting your energy — away from trying to change people and toward improving your own life, goals, and reactions.
It’s freeing.
And it fits perfectly here.
We often look for love and validation from other people instead of being that source ourselves. Different topic — but the same pattern.
So:
Let them be who they are.
But also — let yourself.
Let yourself choose who you give your energy to.
Who you try to help change.
And who you don’t.
Don’t waste your energy on people who haven’t chosen change for themselves.
It’s not your duty to be that person for them.
Give them a nudge.
And if all you hear are excuses — excuses for not addressing their pain, their exercise habits, their weight, their health — then do the hardest thing:
Let them.
🧪 Let’s Experiment
You don’t need to change anyone —
you only need to notice where your energy goes.
Instead of trying harder to motivate, convince, or rescue others, let’s run a small experiment. Nothing dramatic. No life overhaul. Just a shift in attention.
🎯 Try This:
Over the next week, notice when you catch yourself wanting change more than the other person.
It might be a patient who keeps skipping exercises. A friend who complains but never acts. Or even yourself, saying “I should” without following through.
When you notice it, pause and ask yourself one simple question:
“Is this actually my responsibility?”
If the answer is no, do less — not more. Stop explaining. Stop pushing. Stop carrying it for them.
Offer a nudge if it feels right. Then step back.
Pay attention to what happens when you conserve that energy instead of spending it where it isn’t wanted.
🧠 Final Thought:
Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s making room. Room for people to take responsibility for themselves — and room for you to invest your energy where it can actually create change.
Keep it simple, stay curious, and keep learning—you’ve got this.
Take care,
Carina 🦊