One of the biggest mistakes I made as a physiotherapist was thinking my job was to fix people.
Someone walks into your practice with a problem. Naturally, you start searching for the solution. That’s what you were trained to do.
But this doesn’t only apply to physiotherapists.
Maybe you’re the older sibling everyone calls for advice. The friend who always has an answer. The manager who solves every problem. The parent who wants to make everything okay.
Many of us quietly adopt the role of the fixer.
The problem?
People don’t always want to be fixed.
Sometimes they simply want to feel heard.
That sounds obvious, but it’s surprisingly difficult to do.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie argues that people are far more likely to connect with someone who genuinely takes an interest in them than with someone who’s busy trying to impress them. His first principle is simple: be genuinely interested in other people.
That sounds almost too simple.
But genuine interest takes time. It takes attention. It means making the conversation about the other person instead of yourself.
Listening is one of the clearest ways to show that interest.
Simon Sinek builds on a similar idea with one simple question:
“Do you want me to listen, or do you want help solving it?”
Such a small question.
Such a different conversation.
I’ve started using this idea in my practice.
Ironically, patients often come to physiotherapy expecting me to “fix” them. Yet many leave saying something completely different:
“Thank you for listening.”
And here’s the interesting part.
Listening isn’t doing nothing.
Good listening means asking questions.
Not because you don’t know the answer—but because you’re helping the other person discover it themselves.
That changes everything.
If someone only needs to unload their thoughts, your questions create space.
If someone wants help solving a problem, your questions guide them toward a solution instead of handing them one.
The outcome is often the same.
But the ownership is completely different.
As physiotherapists, we call this self-efficacy: helping people believe they can solve problems themselves.
That’s ultimately what I want for my patients.
I don’t want them to become dependent on me every time life throws them a setback. I want them to leave my practice with enough confidence to handle the next challenge on their own.
And I’ve noticed something else.
As an introvert, this approach is far less exhausting.
When I thought I had to fix every problem, every conversation depended on me producing the perfect answer.
Now it doesn’t.
Sometimes my job is simply to listen.
Sometimes it’s to ask better questions.
Either way, I’m no longer carrying someone else’s problem on my shoulders.
And I think that’s exactly how it should be.
🧪 Let’s Experiment
Not every problem needs your solution.
Sometimes it simply needs your attention.
The next time someone comes to you with a problem, resist the urge to answer immediately.
🎯 Try This:
Before saying anything, ask one simple question (either in your head or for real):
“Do you want me to listen, or do you want help figuring this out?”
If they want you to listen, stay curious.
If they want help, don’t rush to give advice. Ask a few questions first.
You might be surprised how often people already know the answer—they just needed someone to help them uncover it.
🧠 Final Thought:
Being helpful isn’t always about having the best answers. Sometimes it’s about asking the best questions.
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