Burnout isn’t just about working too much.
Sometimes it’s about carrying too much.
As physiotherapists, we often hear that empathy is one of our greatest strengths. And I agree. Caring about the person in front of you matters.
But recently I learned there’s more than one kind of empathy—and understanding the difference changed how I think about burnout.
I heard Brené Brown explain it beautifully on The Curiosity Shop podcast.
She describes cognitive empathy as understanding another person’s emotions without taking them on as your own.
Affective empathy, on the other hand, is when you actually feel another person’s emotions yourself. Do that day after day, patient after patient, and it’s easy to see how compassion fatigue and burnout creep in.
The healthier response isn’t to become cold or detached.
It’s to acknowledge another person’s emotions without absorbing them.
To really see them.
Brené uses a wonderful analogy.
Imagine someone is stuck in a deep hole. Your job isn’t to jump in after them. Your job is to lower a ladder.
Climb down just far enough to say, “I see you. I care about you. You’re not alone.”
You called me from a dark, deep hole. My job is not to jump in it with you.
Brené Brown
Then climb back out.
Because if you stay in the hole, you now have two people who are stuck.
That idea reminded me of another familiar analogy.
Think about the safety briefing on an airplane.
When the oxygen masks drop, your instinct might be to help your child, your partner, or even the stranger sitting next to you first.
But that’s exactly what you’re told not to do.
Put your own mask on first.
Because you can’t help anyone if you’ve passed out.
I think empathy works the same way.
You can care deeply without carrying someone else’s pain.
You can be fully present without losing yourself in their emotions.
For me, learning that distinction long before becoming a physiotherapist has been one of the biggest protective factors against burnout.
And the older I get, the more convinced I become that healthy boundaries aren’t the opposite of empathy.
They’re what make empathy sustainable.
🧪 Let’s Experiment
You don’t have to carry someone’s pain to care about them.
The next time someone tells you about a difficult situation, notice your first instinct.
Do you immediately feel responsible for fixing it?
Or do you simply stay with them?
🎯 Try This:
The next time someone shares a struggle, resist the urge to solve it.
Instead, try saying:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I can see why you feel that way.”
“I’m here with you.”
Sometimes people don’t need a solution.
Sometimes they just want to feel seen.
🧠 Final Thought:
Empathy isn’t measured by how much suffering you absorb. It’s measured by how present you can remain.